Kill Them With Kindness: How To Deal With Bullies
Do you feel as though you are being bullied possibly at work or even in your friendship group? Maybe you are a parent of a child who is being bullied at school? Do you find it hard to deal with bullies and are unsure of what to say or do?
I am going to discuss 6 ways that can help you to deal with bullies, either for yourself or if you are helping someone else to do so. It can be very hard to deal with these situations and it is really difficult to know the best way to approach it. Let’s first take a look at why bullies act the way that they do.
Why Do Bullies Act That Way?
More often than not, you may find that bullies act the way they do as they want to feel powerful and want others to feel powerless. This could stem from their own insecurities. Usually, with both adults and children, bullies may be trying to make themselves look and feel more important than others, so they try and bring others down. Another reason could be that they are jealous of other people having a better life than them.
Bullies could be dealing with issues at home or other troubles, so this can influence their actions. Some bullies want others to feel insecure so that they feel better about themselves, so they may try and find someone who has certain things that they are insecure about and comment on them. Whatever the reason may be, you still need to find out how to deal with bullies, for you or your child's benefit.
Here are 6 ways to deal with bullies, whether it be in the workplace, at school or elsewhere.
6 Ways To Deal With Bullies
1. Understand The Motivation
Although the bullying may be targeted at you, or your child, it is very likely that you personally have not done anything wrong. It is really important to understand this before you go any further with the situation. As we have mentioned previously, the bullying itself is aimed at you, but the motivation normally isn’t you.
Normally bullies will want to have power and control over you because they lack something in their life that you have. For example, you may be very good at your job and receive credit, whereas they do not get any credit at their job, or your child may have a great talent, and they do not have any talents or abilities. When you can see that you are not the problem, this can make it easier for you to move on in the situation and try and resolve it.
2. Take A Stand
Some bullies may be easier to stand up to than others and you should really take into consideration if this step with help your personal situation or not.
However, some bullies may not even know that they are bullying you or are unaware that they are hurting your feelings. These types of bullies are probably the best ones to take this approach with.
Make sure not to attack them and try and prepare what you are going to say. Try and take them aside and tell them that what they are doing is not ok and call them out for their actions, this should hopefully make them rethink their decisions.
Similar, learn how to start saying ‘No' to unacceptable requests or behavior.
3. Show Minimal Reaction
Bullies often want a reaction from their victims as this is what they gain satisfaction from. When trying to deal with bullies, it can be a good idea to show minimal reaction as they will not be getting the power and enjoyment that they want. Bullies can also want attention and if you are not giving a reaction to them, they will not be receiving the attention that they desire.
You can try doing this by walking away when they try and make you feel uncomfortable or hurt, ignoring them or changing the subject without a care. The bullies may then feel that the attacks on you are not working and they are not getting the attention and satisfaction that they want. This may make them stop bullying you, however, if this does continue and get’s serious, it may be time to talk to someone who can help you.
4. Spread The Word
People can only help others when they see that bullying is happening, and normally, unless people are looking for it, they may not see it. If you are at school, try and ask your school if they will hold a talk about bullying, making others around you more aware of it. The chances are that there are others around you who are also going through the same thing, even if you feel alone.
When people are more open about these situations, it becomes more known and others may be able to help you. It could also get bullies thinking about their actions, especially if they are not aware that they are bullying someone. If you are an adult, you could also ask your superiors about touching on the subject in meetings or seminars, for the same reason.
5. Know Your Fundamental Human Rights
This is a lot easier for an adult to recognize, but it is always worth explaining this to your child if they are facing being bullied.
You need to understand your human rights. No one can take away your rights and bullies are often breaking these human rights. You have the right to be treated with respect and to express your feelings and opinions.
No one has the right to treat you with disrespect and disregard your feelings. If you can begin to understand this it can help you when dealing with your cause and facing bullies.
Remember: do not let anyone take away your fundamental human rights.
6. Stay Connected
When someone bullies you, they often want to make you feel alone and powerless. The best thing you can do in this situation is to stay connected to others. Try not to let bullies distance you from your friends and supportive adults. When you have friends and people you can trust, it can really help you when dealing with bullies as they will feel like they have not succeeded in making you feel lonely.
Also, having a great, positive and supportive friendship group can also help you to feel positive and uplifted, even when having to deal with your horrible situation. This can help with bullying at school and workplace bullies.