Suffering From The Green-Eyed Monster? How To Overcome Jealousy
Do you ever feel as though you are overwhelmed by the feeling of envy and want to learn how to overcome jealousy? Do you find it hard to stop being jealous, whether it’s in a relationship or just jealous of your friends? Maybe you find it hard to not compare yourself to others?
Jealousy can be a common trait, affecting many people. However, it becomes a problem when it takes over your life, your thoughts, feelings, and actions. I am going to be talking about how you can overcome your jealousy in this article, but first, it is probably best to find out what causes jealousy.
What Causes Jealousy?
There can be many causes of jealousy and everyone will have a different reason for it.
However, there are three main causes that we will discuss.
Three Main Causes Of Jealousy
- Competition – This could be to do with either a partner, a friend or family member. This is usually the case when you are feeling jealous as a result of feeling less than someone or jealous of what they have which results in you competing them for it. For example, you could be jealous that your best friend has a great relationship with another friend and they seem to be hanging out a lot more and have more in common. You will then start competing for their attention as a result of becoming jealous of the other person's relationship with your best friend.
- Protection – Jealousy can be caused because you are wanting to protect yourself. You could feel as though your relationship is not stable because your partner is flirting with others and you sense that something might happen; jealousy is your way of protecting yourself from this. However, in the end, you need to decide a better way of protecting yourself. For example, talk to your partner, or decide if you want to be with someone like that, instead of resulting in jealous actions.
- Projection – Jealousy can sometimes stem from your own guilt or actions you have made. You may be projecting your own feelings onto your partner or your friend, in the form of jealousy. For example, if you have had some thoughts about someone else, you may feel guilty, so you will try and find things that your partner does which causes jealousy to you and project those feelings onto them. What you really need to do is find a solution for yourself first.
Once you have established your cause, you can then work on overcoming jealousy.
How To Overcome Jealousy
1. Reflect On Your Jealousy
After you realize you may have a problem with jealousy, you can then work on understanding why you have those feelings. Could it be that you are not happy with yourself, which is why you are jealous of others?
If you are jealous of someone else’s relationship because yours does not seem as great, perhaps you need to work on your own relationship instead. Being jealous of others always comes back to a problem with yourself and you have to work on that problem before you can move on.
Reflect on why you are being jealous, and where those feelings stem from and work on improving yourself.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
As mentioned before, some jealousy is caused by low self-esteem.
Low confidence and self-esteem play a big part when it comes to comparing yourself to others. You might feel as though someone else is prettier, smarter or funnier than you which could make you question why your partner is with you and not them.
You have to realize that they love you because you are you, and no one else. In addition, you have to understand that you are unique and others will see the good in you, even if you don’t always see it sometimes. Try not to compare yourself to others, and work on your own self-esteem, knowing that you are a unique and beautiful individual.
3. Ask For Reassurance
It is OK to ask your partner questions you may have. The best type of questions to ask when it comes to feelings of jealousy are ones that start with “I”. Instead of saying ‘Who did you go out with last night? Did something happen?, say ‘I felt a little uneasy when you came home from a night out with a woman (or man) without telling me. Can we talk about this?’.
This shows transparency from you, which your partner should appreciate. If everything is innocent, your partner should not have a problem talking to you about it. Having a chat about any worries or doubts you may have is much healthier than holding it in, causing angry acts of jealousy.
4. Take Responsibility
If you know that your jealousy stems from your own insecurities, low self-esteem or confidence, then you need to start taking responsibility and working on improving it. Know that it may be you and not your partner which causes your feelings or actions of jealousy.
If this is the case, reflect on your own thoughts and feelings towards yourself. Get rid of any negative emotions and take time to give yourself some self-care. You can try and work on your own insecurities which will, in time, help you with the jealous feelings.
5. Learn From Past Behavior
If you have had issues in the past from your jealousy, maybe in a relationship or with friends, work on those issues and learn from them. You can always learn from your mistakes and find better ways to deal with those situations or feelings in the future.
Our past is something that we can reflect on and learn from, not dwell on. Use any past mistakes or issues you had which involve jealousy to start to improve yourself, and improve the present situation you may have.
I hope this has helped you in some ways on overcoming jealousy, make sure you find a way that is right for you, work on yourself first and you will start to feel better.