Are You A People Pleaser? 5 Ways To Stop Being Too Nice
Do you ever feel as though you are always trying to please others? Do you say yes to people, even though you know you probably shouldn’t have?
Perhaps you feel as though someone is taking advantage of you as you are constantly being asked for favors? This could mean that you are a people pleaser, and you may feel as though you are being too nice.
I want to talk about how you can stop being a people pleaser but this does not mean that you cannot be a nice person or do things for others! There can be a big difference between being kind to others, and being a people pleaser.
Let’s look at the signs of a people pleaser.
What Are The Signs Of A People Pleaser?
There are plenty of situations that can cause us to become a people pleaser, maybe you are asked for a favor from someone, and even though you have a very busy evening, you take it on anyway, in fear of rejection, or fear of being judged.
Let’s look at some classic signs that you are a people pleaser:
- You neglect yourself. Although your heart is in the right place and you want to help others, you often neglect yourself and your own needs. Remember, you can agree to help someone, which is great, but in doing so, you have taken away your free evening, and have not been able to complete something that you personally needed to do. You need to find a balance and set priorities, which we will talk about later.
- You start to feel resentment at others. Although you agree to do things for others, in order to please them, you may start to feel angry at these people after some time. You can find yourself feeling resentment at others and start taking on those negative feelings.
- You are constantly being taken advantage of. Maybe you start to feel that others are now using you, as they know you will say yes. Perhaps you can see that others are using you for their own gain, because they are aware that you want to please people, and you don’t really say no. This can again result in negative emotions and bottled-up sadness.
5 Ways To Stop Being A People Pleaser
Once you have realized that you may be a people pleaser and perhaps are feeling a little negative about it, you can work on finding ways to stop, that work for you.
As mentioned before, this does not have to mean that you stop being a nice person or helping others, but it can mean you won’t be taken advantage of anymore and can keep your own time to yourself.
So keep reading to discover the top 5 ways to stop being a please pleaser today…
1. Realize That You Do Have A Choice
In life, you will always have a choice. This is also the case when it comes to pleasing people.
If you know that helping someone will cause you more aggravation due to abandoning your own tasks, you need to know that you can say no.
You do not always need to say yes to everyone, and you have a choice to pick and choose what you do and don’t dedicate your time to. Your spare time is exactly that, yours and you can do what you want with it.
Once you realize that you have a choice to do what you need to do with your time, it will be easier to see what you can say yes to and what you might need to say no to.
2. Set Your Priorities
If you can sit down and set your priorities for your day, you will be able to determine what is most important to you. Knowing what you have to do that day is a great way of planning out your day and will help you when making decisions if something comes up where favor is wanted from you.
For example, if you have a deadline for work and need to stay 1 hour after work hours, that’s perfectly fine. However, if a colleague then asks for a favor before you leave but you know you have to cook your family dinner and take your child to an after-school club, you are less likely to say yes.
These priorities of yours are more important than this one favor, so learn to say no, and understand that it is OK.
3. Let Go Of People Who Take Advantage Of Your People Pleaser Tendencies
There will always be people who take advantage of you, unfortunately. However, if you know who these people are, it may be time to let go of them.
If people know that you always say yes, always want to help others, and are generally an all-around nice person, they may use this for their own gain.
These types of people are toxic and leaving them is perfectly OK. It can be hard to do this though, especially with family, so it may be worth trying to work out who is taking advantage of you and what is the best way to go about distancing yourself from them.
4. Accept The Fact That You Will Feel Guilty Saying No
Once you can accept that you will most likely feel guilty when you start to say no, you will start to find it easier to do so.
When you are a people pleaser you will most likely be a kind-hearted person who do not want to upset anyone.
This will mean that when you say no to someone, you will feel as though you have let them down or ruined something that they had planned and will feel guilty.
However, sometimes it is just not possible to please everyone and you have to put yourself first, so acknowledge your guilty feelings, but then let them go as you will know when you have made the right choice in saying no.
5. Take Care Of Yourself
If you can take care of yourself, you will build your self-esteem and your confidence. When someone has more confidence and better self-esteem, they will have good self-worth. You need to have self-worth in order to put yourself first.
Work on taking care of yourself, surround yourself with positive people, and work on any negative feelings you have. Work on your confidence, and then start putting your work into practice. This will all help massively when it comes to saying no and putting yourself first.