5 Couples Intimacy Exercises For Connecting Sexually With Your Partner
While most relationships begin with high levels of passion and a deeply satisfying sex life, it's common for your connection to wane over the years. And while a sexual spark is far from the most important thing in a long-term partnership, it's one valuable ingredient of a happy, satisfying life with another person.
Consequently, if you haven't been connecting sexually, you might be anxious about what this means for your future. Can that closeness ever be restored? And if it can't, will you both want to stay in this relationship?
Research on romantic bonds reassures us that yes, it is possible to nurture and grow your sexual connection with your other half. We’ll explore five of the best intimacy techniques for couples, explaining why they can help you. As you'll see, while these techniques do largely focus on boosting physical intimacy, they also aim to foster a more meaningful emotional and mental connection as well.
So, keep reading to discover the top couples intimacy exercises to help connect you sexually with your partner.
The Stages Of Intimacy
Firstly, it's important to understand the five major stages of intimacy that most couples cycle through.
- Infatuation: You are obsessed with your partner, can't get enough of them and feel euphoric. Neurological studies show this phase is similar to being high on heroin.
- Landing: At this point, you begin to see your partner as a real human being with flaws. They are off the pedestal and starting to adjust to sharing your life with them.
- Burying: You start to turn your attention outwards again, focusing less on the relationship and more about things like planning, organizing and working out a division of labor.
- Resurfacing: You begin to reflect again on just how attractive and appealing your partner is, in spite of the fact they not perfect! This can be triggered by any bonding event you experience.
- Love: Often said to arrive around the fifth year, this is the phase where you feel happy, secure, settled and calm.
5 Intimacy Techniques For Couples
If you're really struggling with your sex life, seeing a couples counselor or a sexual relationship therapist can be a positive, healthy step that helps you abandon old, unproductive ways of interacting. This is a particularly good idea if there are physical barriers to a good sex life as well.
However, for many people, all that's needed is a bit of extra effort and a commitment to try new things. The following five couples intimacy exercises will help you learn how to increase emotional, physical and mental intimacy in a relationship. Have fun going through them!
1. Breathing Connection Exercise
Intimacy in a relationship often begins to slide because life gets so hectic and stressful. This means that you can boost your connection by doing relaxing, calming things that slow you both down. Listening to mindfulness recordings together can be great, but there are also more romantic ways to ground and center yourself.
This particular breathing exercise involves sitting across from your partner and leaning your forehead against theirs.
Close your eyes, then breathe in and out as slowly and deeply as you can. Most people begin to feel a benefit by around the seventh breath, but you should feel free to do as many as you like.
When you do this with your partner, you naturally feel more connecting and more in sync because you're physically aligning and creating a rhythm together. So, don't be surprised if you feel like kissing or holding each other after trying this technique.
2. Soul Gaze
As much about emotional intimacy as it is about sexual intimacy, the Soul Gaze exercise unsurprisingly focuses on the power of looking into another person's eyes. Once again, this technique helps to slow your mind and concentrate your energy on your partner. Experts recommend that you do it at least a few times per week. It only takes a few minutes (five at the most) but it can have a profound impact on how you feel about each other.
To do the Soul Gaze exercise, simply sit facing your partner and look into their eyes. Think about the old adage that the eyes are a “window to the soul”, and notice what you're picking up from your lover.
What are you feeling, remembering or desiring? What do you think they're experiencing?
Don't worry if you feel a bit uncomfortable with this one at first; trust that it will get easier, and will become both relaxing and intimate.
3. 15 Minutes of Tenderness
You can’t recreate a sexual connection overnight, but you can systematically develop habits that maximize your chances of connecting on all levels. The idea of the 15 Minutes of Tenderness exercise is that it will help you to feel more comfortable with touching your partner and being touched by them. These experiences can become tense and anxiety-evoking if your sex life isn't going so well.
Sit down together, looking in the same direction. You can choose the position. For example, it can be side by side, or you can be standing behind your partner's chair.
Next, engage in some kind of soft, gentle touch. It's common to do this exercise focusing on massage, or on brushing your partner's hair/massaging their scalp.
You can experiment with different approaches and see which feel the most intimate and satisfying. You can do this for your partner than have them do it for you, or you can leave a gap between sessions.
4. Uninterrupted Listening
You might not think that listening has much to do with connecting sexually with your partner. However, when you don't feel sexually close it often has a lot to do with feeling underappreciated, and we all feel underappreciated if we don't feel like someone is listening to us. Once again, this exercise takes less than 15 minutes per person. It can really leave you feeling like a team again!
First, set a timer for ten minutes. Then, let your partner vent to you about absolutely anything they want to. Listen carefully, really taking it in, and don't interrupt unless there is an energy! Then, when your partner finishes speaking, reflect back what you have heard by paraphrasing your partner's main points. You may be amazed by how validating and supportive this can feel! Next, set the timer again and have your turn talking before listening to the proof of your partner's attentiveness.
5. Conscious Sensuality
When you’re wondering about how to bring back intimacy in a marriage, you may believe that if it isn’t spontaneous then it isn’t authentic. On the contrary, your efforts have to be conscious at first, as you’ve likely grown out of the habit of being sexually connected.
Conscious sensuality is a Tantric practice that can work wonders for physical intimacy.
You begin by taking five minutes to gaze into each other's eyes and breathing deeply. Next, you spend five minutes touching and caressing your partner’s limbs, neck and torso before allowing them to do the same to you for another five minutes. Following this, you should take another five minutes to kiss each other.
Focus solely on what it feels like without necessarily trying to progress to more overtly sexual interactions. You can if you like, but you can also agree to limit this exercise to kissing until you feel more comfortable.
“Lack of sexual desire can be caused by an array of different psychological and interpersonal reasons, and the wiring of your subconscious mind is pivotal when it comes to increasing pleasure during intimacy.”
Hypnosis can be a great tool for a range of different areas, including overcoming phobias, personal growth and for relationships.
So, be sure to seriously consider self-hypnosis for boosting your intimacy. This effective hypnosis aims to:
- Increase playfulness and romance within your relationship.
- Help instill better communication skills.
- Boost positivity in your relationship.
- Promote a pleasurable and fulfilling partnership.