7 Things That Make You Less Attractive (And How To Fight Them)
Your power to attract others has a lot more to do with your inner life and your behavior than it has to do with the construction of your face and body. What’s more, romantic attraction isn’t the only kind—to succeed in any walk of life, you need to be able to manifest your personal energy in a way that draws people towards you.
Here are 7 things that may be making you less attractive, along with ways you can instantly start combatting them.
Turning Everything Competitive
Competition can be appropriate—and even healthy—in the right context. However, it’s unattractive to constantly compare yourself to other people and put them under pressure to compete with you. It means you are constantly and transparently seeking recognition (instead of confidently identifying your own value from within), and pushing people into defensiveness.
Instead of constantly being ultra-competitive, choose the goals you want to meet for purely personal reasons—ask yourself what you’d do even if you’d never get any recognition for it, and pursue that. This will help you tell when you’re motivated by personal development and when you’re driven by a need for superiority.
While you might think it’s obvious that rudeness is unattractive, there are still people out there who adhere to the “treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen” approach. You’ll be far more appealing if you’re polite, well-mannered and considerate in the way you approach others.
It’s really not that difficult to be cordial in most cases, but if you struggle with an urge to be discourteous at times then there are things you can do to improve that behavior. Specifically, think about walking away from conflicts with people you don’t like, before things get ugly. Anyone who sees this encounter or hears about it will admire your restraint—far more attractive than rudeness!
Arrogance And Self-Importance
At some point, you’re sure to have encountered a person who acts like they believe they’re better than everyone else. No matter how impressive, talented or clever they thought they were, you probably didn’t find them attractive in the slightest.
Be honest with yourself, and reflect on whether there’s any area of life in which you’re prone to acting superior. If you do feel you sometimes verge on arrogance in your words or behaviors, remind yourself that we all have different strengths and weaknesses.
So, yes, you may be more adept at certain things than other people, but so too do you have blind spots and flaws that others do not.
We often become palpably disdainful when we listen to others complain, because this type of negativity is toxic and ungrateful. It’s also very annoying, because it doesn’t solve anything—it just involves wallowing in unpleasantness.
If you’re worried that you’re a bit of a complainer and want to be more attractive, take a more construct approach the next time something goes wrong. Ask yourself what you can say to make progress, correct a misunderstanding or improve a situation. This is much more graceful and appealing!
Does excitement or passion sometimes get the best of you, leading you to blurt out your idea or opinion while someone else is still speaking? Chances are, other people find this extremely unattractive, as it’s rude and suggests a lack of basic self-control.
This is a tricky source of unattractiveness to address, if you’ve been used to interrupting others all your life. However, with practice and restraint, you can hold your thoughts in until there’s an appropriate space in the conversation. And if you’re not sure whether you should speak yet, ask—and apologize if it turns out the other person isn’t finished.
All relationships depend on good communication, whether you’re dealing with a lover, friend, family member or colleague. If you’re always lost in your own thoughts or playing with your phone while other people are talking, you’re not showing an appropriate amount of respect and it makes you much less attractive.
Once again, this can be a tough habit to break, but maintaining steady eye contact can really help. If you deliberately look at the person who is talking and make a point of not looking away until they’re finished, you can develop more attractive, attentive behaviors.
Playing aggressive games, creating drama or turning casual conversations into heated debates simply drives people away. If you do these things, it’s likely that you really just want the attention of others—but there are better, more appealing ways to go about this!
Strive to show your best side in every situation, to be both polite and clear when you disagree with someone, and to deal with your drama in public. All of these habits will make sure others know you’re a self-contained, responsible and thoughtful individual—the sort of individual people want to be close to.